Touya is Jin's, not mine
by Impersonating-an-entity
Summary: Shishiwakamaru's POV, Regarding the first thing his combined beauty, skill and fame has not been able to attain. Rated for shonen-ai


The charries herein are not mine. pouts

* * *

I sighed, glancing up from my katana, quite possibly the only thing I paid more attention to caring for than myself, to look at Jin and Touya. They made such a cute couple, really. Jin clearly didn't care that anyone else was present (It was only me, anyhow… wait, only? Only nothing!) and even though Touya was a bit shyer, Jin's carefree attitude was infectious.

As it was, Touya's blush was minimal, as he sat in Jin's lap (he'd been tugged into position moments before). Jin proceeded to grin like the crazy bastard he is and whisper in Touya's ear. That was odd in it's own right – that is, Jin speaking in a whisper. Normally, he couldn't be loud enough.

They had been together for some time – ever since I had known them. Though their relationship occasionally took a nosedive, they almost always got over it with no changes. There'd only been one time I knew of when Touya had truly considered leaving Jin.

It was always Touya who initiated the fights – not because he was aggressive or picky (it stills shocks me that Touya was in the Shinobi and can kill as ruthlessly as the others in his group) but because Jin, being the dolt and airhead that he is, would mess up.

Usually it was as simple as he hadn't paid any attention to Touya in a while. He just couldn't keep it straight in his head that Touya was surprisingly fragile, and needed to be reassured now and then. It wasn't that any of us doubted that Jin loved Touya – he was just a moron. And when you add the fact that many of the things he did to show he cared for Touya were things he did for everyone (hugging, flying around, though Touya always got first-class, while the rest of us were dragged around haphazardly in coach (which is why I don't let Jin take me flying), even a kiss if he was really happy, another thing I avoided) it was easy to see why one would have to be reassured.

Normally other little things came up too, but that was what most their tiffs centered on. However, once it had been much more serious than that.

It was an accepted part of our lifestyle that we all took women now and then. Even together, Jin and Touya still had their prostitutes on the side, though these were even fewer and farther between than most of us (and none of us were particularly greedy, except Chuu…)

However, one evening one of Jin's women decided to make a house call. That did not go over well to begin with, and when Touya found out just how regular a client Jin was with this girl (who rarely made house calls, so it was an event) he got suspicious. That was when he'd really thought about giving up on Jin.

Lucky for Jin, Touya at last settled with Jin's promises never to see that girl again, etc. etc. It still took a long time for Jin to gain back Touya's full trust. He hasn't made a mistake of that magnitude since, so except for an occasional bout, they get along fine.

What all this boils down to is that they've been through a lot together and hold firm. So despite the fact that the moment I first saw Touya I thought he was the most beautiful thing in the three worlds, despite the fact that Jin will never be good enough for Touya, despite the fact that he's always getting in trouble, and despite the fact that before I met Touya there was no one who was unattainable… I had at last found a desire that I could not fulfill.

Perhaps it's just as well. Much of my life has been handed to me on a silver platter. That is, I did (and do) work, but little of the things I wanted came from the work – they were given to me for whatever reason.

Natural good looks, an almost immediate talent with my sword, a generous lifestyle, and (until now) any person I chose… I worked hard to be a samurai, and I worked hard to learn to keep my temper under control unless it would aid me to do otherwise. But I was lucky enough in my assets that I might have lived well even if I hadn't worked hard at such tasks.

I polished my katana with my typical silence, only stealing occasional glances. They were so absorbed in one another. I had never known something like that, not with anyone.

I felt as ugly as Suzuki's magickal sword had first shown me, because at times, I wished Jin would really screw up again and Touya would finally give up on him. Then, maybe I'd have a chance. But, after seeing the way my sword looked, realizing what it meant, I had decided I didn't like it. I tried to thrust away all such thoughts in favor of ones that supported Touya's happiness, in whatever or whomever it might lay.

But it was hard, those times when Touya went back to his room tearing silently because he felt neglected. It was hard, because then I thought, "This could be my chance!" I always wanted to go in and try and console him at those times, but I never did. If I did, I would start saying things I would later regret. I had run afoul for a long time, but my honor had come back to me, and if Touya was to be mine, it would not be through trickery or through Touya's moment of weakness. But I wonder if he thinks I'm cold, because I never try to help at those times. It probably doesn't raise his opinion of me. Still…

They looked so good together. No one can deny that. They're a tantalizing mix of opposites. Jin, with his loud, fiery, happy-go-lucky attitude, and Touya, who was so quiet, calm and observant, made a strange pair: an unlikely one. And they were as physically perfectly mismatched as they were personality wise. Jin, who was just a touch taller than average, had such bright crimson hair that he looked as though his head was on fire. Touya, a touch shorter than most, had pale, almost frosty-blue hair with odd, distinctive sage-green bangs. Their eyes were both blue, but Jin's were deep blue, wide and expressive, while Touya's were pale, narrow and nearly unreadable, though most of us had learned to pick up on his slight signs. It was cute, how odd they looked together, Touya curled comfortably against Jin, his face lying peacefully against Jin's invariably bare chest.

It made me wonder if they were really made for each other. Could Touya ever look that good with me? We were both attractive (I'm not just bragging; it's true and there's no point in being modest) and we had some similarities, but when it was the differences that made them look so good together, would Touya look so good with someone who looked more like him, if only slightly?

I could be so much better than Jin. I wasn't air headed like he was; I would always remember to tend to Touya. If Touya would let me, I could take better care of him than my sword or myself. He'd have everything he wanted, we'd never have to fight, and it would be the first time I'd ever let someone take charge over me. But for him, it would be worth it. I'd sell away my looks, my life style, my popularity with the women, my talents with a sword, all of it to get him. Not that I think it would help to do so, at least, not at this point in time.

But then, I can't make Touya laugh like Jin does. I can't make him relax like Jin does. I'm sure there are a million other things I don't know about that make Jin perfect in Touya's eyes. So, I'll leave well enough alone, for now. I'll settle with being a friend and only stealing glances at him, and if he and Jin ever should break up, I'll try my luck with him, but if not, then I will learn to be content. I will not tell him and make him uncomfortable unless he notices something and asks me. I will not try to change anything. I will make him happy, and if Jin does that for him, then he shall have Jin.


End file.
